april423

I made it to my first mini goal this morning so now I’ve gone from 242 to 235. That isn’t much considering I’ve been at this since December. But my motivation and determination seem to be gaining momentum. I’ve also found that I do infact lose more if I use my resistance bands or weights along with just exercising. We have to build muscle in order to burn fat. I’m happy that it’s finally starting to happen.

I hope you are all going down this same path. Love yourselfs and stick with it!

Most of us start thinking Ok I’m fat if I start eating right and exercising then I’ll lose the weight. Some of us do lose it but then we gain it back. We feel like failures. We gain more weight then begin the process again.

I have a problem, it’s called not being worthy! Yes it’s true. I have always known this fact and everyone in my life have always known this. I tend to allow people and even just allow myself to put burdens or blame on me even if it’s not my burden to bare.

This started at a young age. When my mom was being abused by my father I always felt it was my fault. That mindset has followed me throughout my life. People see me as strong bossy and opinionated. They think I can do anything. I too think I can do anything but at the same time I’m a self loather. I tend to be self destructive.

If people say they love me I never believe it. I always  have felt I’m unworthy of love. I’ve always felt that everything wrong in anyone’s life around me was caused by myself even something small. If my mom is unhappy I feel that it’s because I’m not there for her. If my sisters are having problems I feel it’s my fault because I’m not there helping them. If my DH is unhappy at work I feel like he’s feeling trapped because he’s married with kids. He’s being held back.  If my child is slipping in school I blame myself  because I’m the parent and I should have taught my child more. If my boss is having troubles I feel as if it’s my fault because I didn’t have the answers to help them.

I have always carried the world on my shoulders. I never ask for anything. I’ve never felt worthy of it. I don’t like gifts because I never feel like I’m deserving of it. If my DH is quiet I always think he’s considering leaving me. I know it’s not true but there is this voice in my head telling me you’ve screwed up this time.

It’s the same with my weight. When people start noticing i’ve lost weight and complimenting me. I don’t feel worthy of it and the weight comes back.

I’ve never been Proud of myself. I’ve never felt like I’ve done anything worth anything. I love photography.  People once asked me if I sold my work and I said no it’s not good enough. Then all of a sudden people were coming to me to buy my work. I’d sell it to them but then I noticed I stopped taking photos. There was always this voice in my head asking me what are you going to do when someone wants you to showcase your work? You know you will choke….. So the next thing you know i’ve stopped.

It’s an ugly cycle and I know it’s one that I must start working on. So This is a new goal for me. I’m going to start taking my work seriously and start working at being proud of the things I’ve done in everyday situations. Some of them that I post may sound trivial but for me I need to accept these things.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Just a quick stop this morning, I must get ready for work but I wanted to check in. Life is going good. We’ve been very busy the last few days and so I haven’t been around much. I’ll work on that. I’m also working on more water which is going well! I seem to  be getting a work out just running to the bathroom every 15 minutes lol!

Ok Gotta run but since it’s the middle of the week I’ll leave you with a smile!!

Gotta love this one!

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and
my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a
 half years old and had just recovered from an accident in
 which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

 Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift
 and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living
 room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was
 playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a
 little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups
 of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came
 home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch
 me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest
 thing!!’
 My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the
 hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink
 it up, then says, ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place
 that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??’

In the forums we were talking about being food addicts. It’s true for most of us. So I decided to do some research on it and most of us know the truth about it but sometimes we need to be reminded So I thought I’d post a few things I read.

Women have this intense emotional connection to what we eat. Why is that so?

It’s the way we’re raised. Our mothers consoled us with comfort foods. Family gatherings, birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, funerals – everything is centered on food. But we lose our grip on what’s real when we eat this way every single time.

We approach food as if it holds greater meaning for us. It’s not love - friendship - acceptance. It’s an object. A bag of candy. The pleasure we get from it lasts less than a minute, but the after effects are forever.

Shift your thinking. Instead of you working for food, think of food working for you. Change your attitude and things will turn around. You’ll get out of the downward spiral of not eating well. Good quality food cleans your body – they do for the inside what shampoo and soap do for the outside.  http://womensissues.about.com/od/weightissues/a/foodaddiction.htm

“The main reason to avoid sugar is that it ages your arteries,”http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/break-your-food-addictions

When words like “food addiction” are bandied about, there are plenty of skeptics who hesitate to put foods like cheese and chocolate into the same category as widely acknowledged addictions such as cocaine or alcohol. But Barnard asks, “What other term would you use for a woman who gets into her car at 11:30 at night and drives six miles to the 7-Eleven to get a chocolate bar, and does it every night? She’s gaining weight, she feels profoundly guilty afterward, and though she resolves to stop this behavior, she does it every night, night after night? That’s a food addiction.”

“Yes, people do get into habits,” adds Ayoob. “But the good part is that habits can be changed.”

try making a complete break just from the foods you crave — a process that Barnard says works much better than trying to eat them in moderation. He argues that staying completely away from a food item for three weeks often resolves the problem. “At the end of three weeks, your tastes will have changed,” he says. “You won’t want the food as much anymore

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=5248

Would be nice if it were just that easy!! Hope you all have a good food day tomorrow!

I’ve decided that this week I really need to push for more exercise. I’ve been getting in daily exercise or should I say working on it.  However, I need to push myself. I need to be doing more. I think it would make a great difference.

It’s hard changing after so many years of being this way so I know I’ll be frustrated but I think I need to do this no matter how hard it is.

I know this post sounds like rambling but I just needed to tell myself this lol!

I came across a web site this morning about a woman named Susan. When Susan started her weight loss journey she weighed in at 363 lbs.  I read her story and I have to say it gave me chills and really made me Think about my own situation and how it could get even more out of control without proper care.

I’d like to share something she wrote. “ I wish I could have back the 25 years I wasted (all my young days) being obese and not enjoying life to the fullest. I will be forever grateful that I did it when  I did, and can look forward to enjoying the next 25 years. I truly believe, if I hadn’t lost it when I did, I would have pretty much been done in by age 50. And , what would have been worse, is knowing that I was a ”burden” to my husband/family.”

Amazing woman anyways here is the link to her story

http://www.geocities.com/ccp234/susansstorypage.html

And here are the before and after photos! AMAZING!!!!

http://www.geocities.com/snues208/snuesphotocopy.html

First off sorry for laying all that unhappy stuff on everyone yesterday. Sometimes you just have to get it out of your system. As for Pat it’s looking more hopeful this evening. I’ll just keep praying.

Today was better over all. I’m still controlling my eating and I got my exercise in. According to my food journal I’ve about doubled the calories burned compared to what I ate! Between writing down for myself everything I eat on top of the food journal with all the calories spelled out for me, I’m feeling much more confident.

It’s  crazy that you tell yourself Oh heck no you aren’t eating that. Do you seriously want to see those numbers!

Anyways Here’s to a good Day tomorrow!

So confused as to why things happen when they do? I’ve gotta tell you today is one of those days when I just question everything around me. I’m a baptist and I have a big love of God. He’s my friend, my companion, My one true Father and the judge of my life.

Last year there were several deaths in my family and I was hoping that this year would be better. I got the call this morning saying that my cousin Doug had died from a stroke he suffered last Thursday. Also on Thursday my best Oklahoma friends mother had a stroke. I just left the hospital and it isn’t looking all that good. However, I’m not going to give up hope. Pat is a good woman and I will keep praying for her recovery.

How does he choose? There are so many criminals, killers, rapist on this planet, yet here lately he’s been taking alot of wonderful people.

Doug, lost his wife several years back and even after she died he stayed with her mother and took care of her. She died at the end of last year. Now he’s gone.

Pat, Lost my best friend( Lavonda) to cancer almost 5 years ago. Her husband has battled colon cancer and isn’t in the best health. She’s helped raise Vonda’s Daughter. She’s a good woman and now she’s battling for her life.

When things like this occur it makes me feel really selfish. You know here I’m worried about how my jeans fit and yet there are those out there fighting for their lives and loved ones having to let go. Normally I’d grab a bag of chips and ponder it all. This time though I’ve turned to you guys. Please keep these people in your prayers.

I was web surfing tonight while thinking about my weight loss. So I typed in Weight loss tips. It brought me to this web site.. http://weightloss.about.com/od/emotionsmotivation/a/aa051707a.htm

While reading I came across this list The 5 P’s

“The Five P’s”

I call my guidelines for goal-setting “The Five P’s”, meaning that realistic goals should be:

•  
  • Positive
  • Precise
  • Prioritized
  • Planned
  • Performance-based

Positive

Goals should always be phrased in a positive manner. Instead of saying, “I will not eat any white bread this week.” say, “I will replace white bread with whole grain bread this week.” Or switch, “I will not sit on the couch all weekend.” to “I will make an effort to be more active this weekend.”

Instead of focusing the goals on what you “shouldn’t” do or “can’t” have — all negatives — make sure your goals accentuate the positive. Doing so will keep you feeling positive.

Precise

Be specific when you set your weight loss and fitness goals. Rather than saying, “I need to eat more fruit,” say, “I will eat fruit for my afternoon snack every day.” Or rather than writing down, “I will start exercising more,” it can become “I will walk for 20 minutes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.” The more specific your goal is the more likely you are to adhere to it.

For example, every time I say, “I’m going to exercise more next week.” Friday rolls around before it dawns on me that I’ve been taking it easy. If, instead, I sit down on Sunday and mark Monday, Tuesday and Friday for my workouts on my calendar, along with a time for them, I know I’ll be more likely to follow-through.

Prioritized

First things first. If you make priorities among your goals, you’ll be able to focus on what needs to be done first. For instance, if you are inactive now and you have a long-term goal to hike in the woods or on a challenging trail, then you should have many other “mini” goals ahead of it, starting with walking regularly, working up to walking on different terrains, such as hills, becoming accustomed to walking on different surfaces such as dirt or gravel, and so forth.

Planned

Planning is key to meeting goals. Setting goals without planning how to meet them is like getting in your car to make a trip to a new destination without ever glancing at a map. You can’t get to your goal unless you know what you need to do. Knowing you want to lose weight isn’t the same as having a clear idea of how you’re going to make it happen.

I’ve always enjoyed going to About.com They have tons of information on a wide variety of topics. I think this is an excellent list and very much true. Hopefully this list can help someone out there so I thought I’d share!

I’ve been caught up on all my work at work. So i’ve spent a couple of days just hanging around the house and cleaning. I lost a pound staying home. I know that alot of my extra eating comes at work. Mainly because I don’t buy a lot of “junk” food here at home. However yesterday I did eat some chips and 2 nutter butters. I need to avoid these things. I also need more WATER!!!

Anyways not sure what my plans are today may run to work in a bit and see if I’ve got anything sitting there waiting on me lol. It’s been nice being home but I can’t do it for very long at a time. I have to be out and about.

As far as exercise. I’m still doing my rock your body in the mornings. Every other day is just the dance and then i swap to the strength training. Plus all the projects here at the house. I’ve been trying to make them more like a workout as well. I could tell it this morning by my lack of motivation to get out of bed!!!

Have a Healthy day full of positive thoughts!