april423

One thing i’ve always found hard to get along with out is my pepsi. There was a time when literally it’s the only thing I drank. Morning noon night. It was like a love affair I couldn’t live without them.

However, I think I’m going to have to divorce pepsi because I’ve fallen in love with someone new. Crystal lite has become my new love. I love how you can pack a few in your purse and just pour it into a bottle of water shake and its ready!! The flavor isn’t like Koolaid so it makes me very happy.

Soda is nothing but dead calories and yukky sugar. It’s bad for us all. It helps our bellys to expand to pre-child birth sizes and helps our asses to look like coffee tables.

I stopped drinking pepsi and started really exercising and now i’m finally seeing the weight move off a bit. Sure it’s not alot but i’m finally seeing it.

Good bye pepsi you made me so happy for a long time, but my love for you is gone. I’ve moved on and I think Crystal lite and I will be much happier together. You Gave me all you had but our relationship was destructive and unhealthy. I deserve better.

I made it to my first mini goal this morning so now I’ve gone from 242 to 235. That isn’t much considering I’ve been at this since December. But my motivation and determination seem to be gaining momentum. I’ve also found that I do infact lose more if I use my resistance bands or weights along with just exercising. We have to build muscle in order to burn fat. I’m happy that it’s finally starting to happen.

I hope you are all going down this same path. Love yourselfs and stick with it!

Most of us start thinking Ok I’m fat if I start eating right and exercising then I’ll lose the weight. Some of us do lose it but then we gain it back. We feel like failures. We gain more weight then begin the process again.

I have a problem, it’s called not being worthy! Yes it’s true. I have always known this fact and everyone in my life have always known this. I tend to allow people and even just allow myself to put burdens or blame on me even if it’s not my burden to bare.

This started at a young age. When my mom was being abused by my father I always felt it was my fault. That mindset has followed me throughout my life. People see me as strong bossy and opinionated. They think I can do anything. I too think I can do anything but at the same time I’m a self loather. I tend to be self destructive.

If people say they love me I never believe it. I always  have felt I’m unworthy of love. I’ve always felt that everything wrong in anyone’s life around me was caused by myself even something small. If my mom is unhappy I feel that it’s because I’m not there for her. If my sisters are having problems I feel it’s my fault because I’m not there helping them. If my DH is unhappy at work I feel like he’s feeling trapped because he’s married with kids. He’s being held back.  If my child is slipping in school I blame myself  because I’m the parent and I should have taught my child more. If my boss is having troubles I feel as if it’s my fault because I didn’t have the answers to help them.

I have always carried the world on my shoulders. I never ask for anything. I’ve never felt worthy of it. I don’t like gifts because I never feel like I’m deserving of it. If my DH is quiet I always think he’s considering leaving me. I know it’s not true but there is this voice in my head telling me you’ve screwed up this time.

It’s the same with my weight. When people start noticing i’ve lost weight and complimenting me. I don’t feel worthy of it and the weight comes back.

I’ve never been Proud of myself. I’ve never felt like I’ve done anything worth anything. I love photography.  People once asked me if I sold my work and I said no it’s not good enough. Then all of a sudden people were coming to me to buy my work. I’d sell it to them but then I noticed I stopped taking photos. There was always this voice in my head asking me what are you going to do when someone wants you to showcase your work? You know you will choke….. So the next thing you know i’ve stopped.

It’s an ugly cycle and I know it’s one that I must start working on. So This is a new goal for me. I’m going to start taking my work seriously and start working at being proud of the things I’ve done in everyday situations. Some of them that I post may sound trivial but for me I need to accept these things.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Just a quick stop this morning, I must get ready for work but I wanted to check in. Life is going good. We’ve been very busy the last few days and so I haven’t been around much. I’ll work on that. I’m also working on more water which is going well! I seem to  be getting a work out just running to the bathroom every 15 minutes lol!

Ok Gotta run but since it’s the middle of the week I’ll leave you with a smile!!

Gotta love this one!

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and
my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a
 half years old and had just recovered from an accident in
 which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

 Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift
 and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living
 room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was
 playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a
 little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups
 of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came
 home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch
 me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest
 thing!!’
 My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the
 hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink
 it up, then says, ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place
 that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??’